Looking for no-low cry sleep solutions for your baby? Pediatric sleep consultant Dr. Angelique Millette shares her no-low cry method, plus essential information on baby sleep development and creating a healthy sleep environment.
If you’re a bleary-eyed parent desperately seeking no-low cry sleep solutions, then breathe a sigh of relief, because you’re in the right place!
Although a generation ago, cry-it-out was the standard baby sleep-training method (and anything else was considered spoiling), times have changed.
For advice on no-cry/low-cry methods, we spoke with pediatric sleep consultant Dr. Angelique Millette. Dr. Millette looks at multiple variables when assessing the best timing for starting sleep changes and recommends using more-cry-based methods only after circadian rhythm and self-regulating behaviors are beginning to organize, typically around 4-6 months of age or later and only if a parent is comfortable using more cry-based methods.
New research also supports waiting after the newborn stage for introducing methods that involve more crying (and work more quickly).
This article will look at Dr. Millette’s no-low cry sleep method called The Rinse & Repeat Method, plus other advice for creating a healthy sleep environment.
Dr. Millette has been supporting families with sleep for over 25 years with a diverse background that ranges from birth and nighttime postpartum doula, a homebirth midwife, a child psychologist, family sleep researcher, lactation educator, and pediatric sleep consultant and parent coach.
To find out more: Dr. Angelique Millette, founder of The Millette Method™.
Why No-Low Cry?
If letting your baby cry themselves to sleep doesn’t resonate with you, know you’re not alone.
According to Millette, most families outside the United States are not comfortable with cry-it-out sleep training methods. This led to the development of The Millette Method™ as a toolbox of sleep solutions tailored to individual families that looks at the development of baby self-regulation, attachment security, birth/postpartum history, parental degree of overwhelm/sleep deprivation, cultural impacts, community support, and child temperament.
Dr. Millette’s approach can be used over a wide range of ages (newborns, toddlers, and young children) and a diverse range of demographics.
“These methods were developed over 25 years of experience working with families. When I started, I was a young buck in my 20s, and I just loved helping babies sleep. I also developed my pediatric sleep approach while working as a midwife and postpartum doula. I called this my field work as it really allowed me to be in families’ homes at night, observing and helping newborns and babies sleep.
“It helped me to come to a very clear understanding of how baby temperament, feeding method, sleep location, family dynamics, culture, baby birth history, baby GI issues, and even parent mental-sleep health and attachment history, all play a part in how a baby will sleep.
“For the first ten years, I never let babies cry it out because I wasn’t sure if it was safe. I was able to develop other methods that I found to work very well while supporting still-developing circadian rhythm, organization of self-regulation, and attachment security, all variables that are important in our conversations about baby sleep development.”
When asked about the biggest benefit of no-low cry sleep solutions, Dr. Millette said, “Above all, families are making choices they can feel good about.
I have a motto in my work that we don’t push a family to do something they’re not comfortable doing. There is no perfect sleep method or sleep location but there is a good enough method/location that will work for the individual family.”
The big takeaway: If letting your baby cry it out doesn’t feel right, you don’t have to do it, and there are other no-low-cry options.
Of note, Dr. Millette refers to no-low cry methods as methods that are high on parent proximity, parent help, and involve little to no crying.
No-low cry methods work more slowly, often taking 2-6 weeks. Crying is a normal way for a newborn/baby to signal fatigue and the start of a sleep window. When parents are quick to notice signs of their newborn/baby entering a sleep window, they will see that it’s easier for their little one to respond favorably to settling to sleep and responding well to sleep methods like no-low cry sleep methods.
Read more: Why I’m Not Sleep Training My Baby
4 Essential Baby Sleep Development Truths Every Parent Should Know
Most parents make a point of becoming educated about prenatal health, birthing, and basic newborn and postpartum care.
Yet, no one teaches us about baby sleep development and what to expect, beyond frequent wakings and feedings.
Dr. Millette spends a lot of time debunking various baby sleep myths in her practice, which are a significant source of anxiety for new parents.
“Anxiety is the highest I’ve ever seen in parents in the last 10 years of working with families for 25+ years. I believe much of this stems from a poor understanding of how babies biologically develop their sleep patterns. Plus, people get a lot of misguided information on social media.”
She also emphasized that pediatricians receive only about 8 hours of pediatric sleep training, leaving most unable to provide individualized advice.
So, what’s your best defense against baby sleep anxiety? Understanding these four basics about biological sleep development.
1: Babies don’t sleep 12 hours at a time
“You’ll hear some sleep consultants or pediatricians say that babies sleep from 7 to 7, and that’s totally made up! There’s no science behind it.”
Millette notes that babies will sleep 10 to 12 hours, just not all at one time.
2: Your baby’s circadian rhythm will not develop for months
“Most of us are led to believe that babies come out fully cooked and primed for sleep; but here’s the truth: their circadian rhythm is not fully developed until 2-4 months of age!”
The circadian rhythm, also known as the sleep cycle, tells our bodies when it’s daytime versus nighttime and when to be awake versus when to sleep.
How do you know when your baby’s sleep cycle is established? In a word, poop!
Says Millette: “A parent of a newborn will know their newborn’s circadian rhythm is developed when they stop pooping at night! This means their little body is now organizing itself around the daytime schedule—just like ours!”
Other signs include the baby’s bedtime migrating earlier, longer intervals between feeds, and wanting to be awake more during the day.
3: It’s beneficial to introduce a bedtime routine in the first month
Although early sleep training is not recommended, a simple bedtime routine can help babies get organized and sleep better.
Dr. Millette recommends keeping it really simple by lowering the lights, experimenting with white or brown noise (she prefers brown noise), and trying swaddling.
“The point is to repeat it every night to help with entrainment. Humans thrive on routines, and so do newborns. Keep it to a maximum of 15-20 minutes and repeat every night.”
4: Babies begin to develop self-regulating/self-soothing skills in the first four to six months
Every exhausted parent wants to know when their baby can self-soothe.
According to Millette, these skills develop gradually over the first four to six months.
“You hear it called self-soothing, but I call it self-regulating (the term self-soothing has gotten a bad rap among no-low cry parents). Babies start to develop the means for self-regulation in the first four months.”
Some signs of self-regulating behavior in babies include:
- Sucking hands and fingers
- Holding hands over their midline, or hand clasping
- Burrowing into a parent’s armpit, breast, or chest
- A self-soothing cry, which sounds like a low, plaintive, fussing cry, not a hard cry
- Rolling to the side or rolling to the tummy
- Note: If a baby can move themselves to this position, it’s safe for them to sleep that way, but do not swaddle.
Dr. Millette explains this in more depth in a YouTube video titled “Signs Babies Show When Ready To Sleep Train.“
Read more: The 11 Best Books For Toddlers
How To Use Dr. Millette’s No-Low Cry Rinse & Repeat Method
Now that you understand the basics, here is a no-low cry method Dr. Millette has used successfully for over 25 years with thousands of families worldwide.
“This no-low cry method is rinse and repeat. It’s a pick-up, put-down, sush-pat method that allows you to stay in contact with your baby after you put them down. The point is, they’re learning to fall asleep on a flat surface out of arms.”
This method is excellent for parents who can’t put their babies down or who can’t get their babies to sleep anywhere but on their chests or in a carrier.
“We want to guide parents to flexible and safe choices and want to teach them to put their babies down.
“I like this method because it’s nice and slow, and because we’re not sleep training or crying, we can use it for babies who are even a month or two.”
Here’s how it works.
The rinse: Start by soothing the baby with light bouncing, rocking, or jiggling.
The repeat: Put them down, staying in contact with the sush-pat, which means to rub or pat their backs, gently stroke their foreheads, or whatever gentle method continues to soothe them.
If they start crying, you pick them back up, and rinse again by bouncing, slow dancing, etc., then repeat.
Says Millette, “If it hasn’t worked after 20 minutes, go to plan B, whether that’s feeding, rocking them to sleep, or whatever works. Then, try it again on the next nap.”
Millette stresses this is a slow method that can take weeks to a month to work, so don’t force it and be patient. Gradual learning!
“You have to try again and again. Some parents call me, and they want something that works in less than a week. This is not that, but you can start early, and it is an effective no-low cry method.”
Other Considerations For Effective No-Low Cry Sleep Success
Setting the stage for sleep can make all the difference with no-low cry sleep solutions.
This means creating an optimal sleep environment and location, in addition to routines and gentle no-low cry techniques, like the sush-pat method.
“The same things that help adults sleep help babies sleep, and that means a quiet and dark environment. You can also try things like white or brown noise and blackout curtains in some circumstances.” Says Millette.
She also notes that the crib or bassinet should have a firm mattress and be free of anything other than a fitted sheet.
Regarding the best location for sleep, crib, bassinet, or family bed, Millette echoed the recommendations of the AAP for room sharing for the first few months, with the baby in their own crib or bassinet with a firm mattress. She recommends room sharing for at least the first 4-6 months. A product like the arms-reach cosleeper can be a very safe location to keep a newborn close by while keeping them in their own sleeping spot at night.
However, she also emphasized that up to 80% of families will co-sleep with their baby or toddler within the first three years.
So, what’s the best location for sleep?
“I’ve looked at research for 25 + years on sleep location and have worked with over 10,000 families now, and my heart tells me the best location is that which works best for the family. And the research bears that out; there are plenty of studies showing that co-sleeping babies have both poor and great outcomes, and the same for non-co-sleeping babies. So it depends on what works for the family as a whole.”
Read more: How to Help Your Child Connect With Nature
At What Point Should You Ask For Help?
There can be a lot of confusion and even shame around baby sleep challenges, especially for new parents.
So, when should you ask for help?
Says Millette, “I recommend to families that if they have seen at least 4-6 weeks of prolonged poor sleep pattern, waking up every 1-2 hours at night, if they’re heading back to work in the next 2-4 weeks, if it’s causing arguments or bickering—what we call nighttime parenting arguments, if that’s been prolonged, we are asking families to reach out and do not wait.
“We are seeing families wait too long, and that is a heartbreaking situation because they’re in such a health crisis, marital crisis, their relationship with their baby isn’t great, or maybe they’ve had a car accident, and then it’s become desperate. If we can get to them earlier, it’s so much easier and healthier for everyone.”
Bottom line: If it’s been longer than 4-6 weeks of frequent waking or if it’s causing problems in your relationship or physical, mental, or emotional health, it’s time to reach out for help. Don’t wait.
“We offer a 15-20 minute free intake call to anybody so they can talk all this out without judgment and get a sense for how we can work together”
To learn more about Dr. Millette’s Millette Method, visit her online at: angeliquemillette.com.
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