Curious about parent coaching? Us too! So we turned to “the Godmother” of parent coaches, Gloria DeGaetano of the Parent Coaching Institute, to learn what parent coaches are, how they work, and who they can help.
We use life coaches to create our best lives and get out of our own way; business coaches to take our businesses to the next level, health coaches to help us stay on track; and sports coaches to improve our game…but what about parent coaches?
After all, what occupation is more fraught with twists, turns, emotional turmoil, guilt, change, and unknowns than parenting?!
To get the scoop, we talked to one of the original and best-known parent coaches, authors, and education experts, Gloria DeGaetano, founder of the Parent Coaching Institute (PCI).
In this article, she shares everything you need to know about parent coaching and why it’s often a paradigm-shifting game-changer for modern parents.
Read more: How To Stay Grounded As A Parent: Tips For Staying Calm & Present
What Is A Parent Coach?
All parents struggle with questions, uncertainties, guilt, fear, and feelings of imposter syndrome during their parenting journey.
Traditionally, we would turn to our own parents, relatives, or close friends for advice, or more recently, to Google or AI.
However, many parents today are taking a more proactive approach by partnering with a parent coach.
When asked, “What is a parenting coach?”, DeGaetano was quick to make a distinction between a parenting coach and a parent coach:
“I’m really strict on calling ourselves parent coaches rather than parenting coaches, because we’re supporting the parent, the mom, dad, or couple as people, including supporting their ideas, values, and their identity as a parent, and they’re doing the parenting.
“I think it’s a very important distinction because for me, as an educator, this is what supports deep change. So, our parent coaches at PCI are supporting parents through a sustainable change process, and that’s not a quick fix!”
DeGaetano went on to say that a parent coach is a companion on the journey, not someone who’s just going to give you a generic parenting formula. “They’re there to be a reflective partner, and a thinking partner, and to co-construct new ideas and new possibilities with the parent.”
Like a business or life coach, a parent coach is there to support the parent on their journey to discover how to use their innate gifts and talents to connect with and parent their children authentically, successfully, and sustainably.
Who Can Benefit From A Parent Coach?
Talk to any parent, and you’ll likely hear a variation of this story: “I love my kids, but I wish I had more support; we’re all so stretched. Parenting is a lot harder than I thought.”
Research supports this, showing that many families from all backgrounds lack emotional and social parenting support, which can create significant stress for the adults and children, especially single parents and special needs families.
A recent Health and Human Services report titled: “Parents Under Pressure: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents” found parents are generally very stressed, and many feel under-resourced to cope with the burdens of modern parenting, including finding affordable childcare, dealing with technology and social media, lack of community support, social isolation, and economic pressure.
Says DeGaetano, “Parents come to us when they’re frustrated, and they’ve tried some things, but they’re not getting the results they want, and they’re seeing their relationship with their child as less fulfilling as they want it to be. Some have fear, and others need somebody as a sounding board when they’re not feeling confident with what they’ve done in the past and need some new ideas and more awareness of their many innate strengths.”
She also mentioned that parents need to be willing to go through a reflective process.
“It’s not about feeling bad or guilty about how we do things; it’s about how we grow our strengths to support ourselves so we enjoy life with our families and kids. How do we talk with our kids and spend time with them to really reveal an authentic relationship that will carry on past childhood?”
Read more: How To Transition Your Child To A Toddler Bed
How Parent Coaching Works And What To Expect
Per DeGaetano’s parent coaching approach is based on positive psychology and living systems.
“I love the research on positive psychology and have applied it in my consulting over the years, and saw how you can activate it in an inquiry-based coaching process.
“We call what we do ‘parent coaching’ because we’re asking questions, which is key to coaching; we’re not telling you what to do, it’s an invitational strategy to invite the parent to reconsider, to think through, to reflect on their own strengths and their children’s strengths and what works for that unique family.”
This doesn’t mean parent coaches withhold advice or expertise, but it’s offered within an individualized framework based on the parents’ strengths and the family’s unique circumstances.
“So we’re not focused on the parenting, we’re focused on them to do the parenting, there’s a both-and reality that I try to help people understand.”
DeGaetano offered an example from a recent coaching call:
“A mama I was coaching, her morning routine with her little one was just chaotic, and we started talking about that. Then I got the idea, well, what’s happening in the evening? And, long story short, it turns out that what was going on in the evening wasn’t relaxing, which made it harder to put the child to sleep. So, when we worked out the evening routine, the morning routine fell into place.”
Parent coaching is typically done with the parent or parents (not the children) over the phone or Zoom giving parents greater flexibility in their sessions. Parents commit to six, eight, ten or more sessions that may take place weekly, twice monthly, or more frequently, depending on the parents’ needs.
Coaches may also ask parents to complete assignments to ensure they’re implementing what they’re discovering in their coaching sessions. Usually at the end of each session, the parent and coach co-create a new strategy to try. DeGaetano likes to stress non-judgmental exploration. She calls these “focused try-outs.”
Parent coaches charge various rates, but it’s typically very affordable.
How Is A Parent Coach Different From A Therapist Or Counselor?
Although some therapists or counselors may also offer parent coaching, a parent coach is not a therapist or counselor.
Therapists and counselors, of which there are many types, are focused on mental, emotional, and psychological health or behavioral issues in the parents or the children. Therapy emphasizes healing the past.
Coaching is centered on present-day concerns. A parent coach is focused on supporting the parent to realize their strengths, so they can co-create personalized strategies to bring peace and harmony to the family.
Parent coaches are not licensed, but ideally have undergone rigorous training and are typically certified by a program such as PCI.
DeGaetano notes that coaches have different backgrounds and areas of expertise, but, as parent coaches, they must work within the coaching rather than therapy framework.
What Can A Parent Coach Help With? What Are The Benefits?
There are numerous benefits to working with a parent coach, especially for those who may be struggling with specific parenting challenges, lack family support, or seek to parent or “reparent” their children differently from how they were raised.
Here are some of the areas a parent coach can help with
- Identifying your unique gifts and strengths, and how to use them to discover your parenting style
- Gaining insights into child or teen development and developmental milestones
- Developing a growth mindset and a positive state of mind
- Defining your parenting and family values/aligning your parenting practices with them
- Child/teen behavioral issues (general)
- Accomplishing your parenting and family goals
- Supporting children with special needs at home (look for a parent coach specializing in your child’s unique needs)
- Identifying and creating support resources for parenting concerns such as school learning, discipline or sibling rivalry
- Creating easier transitions
- Ideas for introducing new siblings to the family
- Video game/social media/technology concerns.
- Establishing rhythm and routines that work with your schedule and goals
- Offering a clear understanding of how to create developmentally appropriate boundaries
- Improving communication between parents and caregivers or between parents and teachers or the school
- Supporting parents during big life transitions, such as moving, moving schools, divorce, introducing a new step-parent, deaths in the family, etc.
- Providing a safe space and an encouraging sounding board for your worries, concerns, and uncertainties
- Uncovering or rediscovering the joy of parenting/parental self-care and stress reduction
“What we’re doing is helping parents change their worldview! We all have a mechanical mindset, so once you start embodying a worldview that appreciates who we are as living systems, understanding ourselves as humans, you start to see the world differently. Then, when parents apply these new principles to their challenges, you really see significant positive changes. It works. And works really well!”
How To Find A Qualified Parent Coach
If a parent coach sounds like just what you’ve been looking for, there are several resources that can help.
First, ask friends for referrals, then vet the parent coaches by reviewing their credentials, reviews, and parent-coaching style.
Many therapists and counselors also offer parent coaching services or can refer you to a qualified coach.
You can also find a list of coaches through parent coaching educational programs, like the Parent Coaching Institute’s Find A Parent Coach site. They also offer a comprehensive training program for professionals interested in becoming PCI-certified parent coaches.
DeGaetano notes that PCI certifies parent coaches who already have experience working with parents, understand developmental issues, and some have experience helping families with special needs, such as neurodiversity.
To learn more about parent coaching and Gloria DeGaetano’s work, check out the Parent Coaching Institute at thepci.org.
Read more: How to Hit Reset on Your (and Your Kids’) Sleep Schedule
Have feedback on our story? Email [email protected] to let us know what you think!
Shop Pillows
The Essential Organic Pillow Collection
Gentle, breathable, non-toxic support.