If you’re a toddler parent there’s no doubt you’ve had your share of bedtime struggles. I am a huge advocate of supporting your baby to sleep but the same is also true for your toddler and bigger kids. Sometimes even a baby who’s a perfect sleeper during infancy can struggle with bedtimes as toddlers. So what do you do? Here is what we’ll discuss in this post:

• Why toddler sleep may regress
• Toddler night wakings- what’s normal?
• Bedtime battles and what to do 

Why is toddler sleep getting worse?

Often toddlers will need more help falling asleep than newborns, see the testimonies here! Children don’t just stop needing us once they aren’t babies anymore. During the toddler years, children are developing rapidly and as a result, often need an abundance of closeness to stay regulated. Their young brains are now more aware of changes that are happening and this can be unsettling for them and the reason that your toddler won’t sleep without you. You may even notice that your previously amazing sleeper needs a lot more of your presence and reassurance now that they’re older than they did as a baby. This is normal among sleep trained and non-sleep trained babies alike.

Photo courtesy of Rachael Shepard Ohta.

Read more:  Tread Lighter, Live Fuller: How to Raise Eco-Conscious Kids

The 24-month sleep regression

In the infant sleep world, you will often hear about the sleep regression at age 2. What are sleep regressions, anyway? They’re mostly just big bursts of development paired with other common phenomenon like separation anxiety, teething, etc. They cause little “perfect storms” around certain ages. The only actual change in infant sleep architecture happens at the four-month mark, and the other sleep progressions can be linked to developmental changes that can make it really hard for little ones to take good sleep. When talking 2 year olds, keep in mind:

• Toddlers’ sleep needs have decreased over 24 hours.
• The nap becomes harder to get and the length and timing of the nap can then have an impact on bedtime.
• Night waking and nursing is still normal although at this point is becoming exhausting for parents.
• Regulation difficulties with big emotions and outbursts are normal
• Separation anxiety tends to spike 
• Toddlers experience developmental explosions (language burst, potty training etc.)

So what exactly causes toddler night wakings?

There are lots of reasons why your toddler is having a hard time going to sleep or waking through the night but the most common are:

1. Sleep needs. Often children are becoming wired, getting a “second wind” if they are overly tired at bedtime (especially if they’ve dropped their nap!). Or, they may simply be not tired enough yet, especially if they do still nap. 

2. Hunger or feeding. Many toddlers still wake to feed in the night. The magical milestone of one year doesn’t just cue the end of night feedings. They could also be waking due to thirst – as adults, lots of us take glasses of water to bed to sip throughout the night!

3. Rapid brain development – Toddler’s brains are expanding at such a rate that they can find it disconcerting. They now have an increased awareness of separation from their caregiver, their imagination is developing which can lead to night terrors and nightmares, the development of physical skills is occurring and for many toddlers’ huge changes such as potty learning and starting preschool are taking place. All these things together can mean your toddler may need more support through the night.

4. Nightmares or being scared at night– Nightmares tend to increase in times of stress, change, etc. and commonly start around ages 3-5 when imagination is growing.

Photo courtesy of Avocado.

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What to do?

1. Getting curious is key if your child is scared in their room at night. Has your child been exposed to a scary show or movie? Is there something in their room making a noise or casting a shadow that’s scaring them? Sometimes nightmares are random and the best thing we can do is assure them that they are safe and that we are there to protect them. Some reassurance and perhaps a nightlight can be helpful if your child has frequent nightmares. Letting them know they’re always welcome in your room can be helpful, too, or setting up a floor bed should you need to room share with them for part of the night can be useful as well.

If your child is waking up at night and is alert but screaming or crying, rule out pain or discomfort with your doctor.If you’re experiencing anything like this, it’s always a good idea to write down what happened and take video if possible to share with your healthcare team.

2. Ensuring good sleep hygiene is also crucial especially when your toddler will not go to sleep. Limiting screens in the afternoon, keeping the environment calm and dark enough, ensuring your toddler has had enough outdoor time, etc. If your toddler is fighting sleep and bedtime feels hard to achieve then try and play with the timing and length of their nap as well as bedtime.

3. One evidence-based intervention is the fading technique. This involves pushing back bedtime to create much-needed sleep pressure. By doing this you can shorten the time it takes to fall asleep and break the association of bedtime being stressful. Once you have achieved this you can begin to bring bedtime forward again with the new associations in place. 

4. Consider Sensory & environmental factors. The sensory environment plays a crucial role in a child’s ability to transition to sleep. Excessive noise, bright lights, or stimulating activities close to bedtime can hinder relaxation and lead to prolonged sleep onset. Creating a soothing and dimly lit bedroom, limiting stimulating activities before bed, and incorporating relaxing activities can set the stage for better sleep initiation. Some children have more reactive or sensitive sensory systems and more sensitive temperaments. These children may require even more time to wind down in the evening. However, they also may require lots of rich sensory input throughout the day. This can be a tricky balance.

5. Try offering a bedtime snack during the routine to make sure they aren’t hungry. 

6. Emotions & connection with parent. A child’s emotional state greatly impacts their ability to fall asleep. Stress, anxiety, and emotional upheavals can make it challenging for toddlers to unwind at bedtime. Establishing a secure and loving connection with parents during the day, ensuring adequate emotional support, and engaging in calming activities together can help children regulate their emotions and promote better sleep onset. This is often a tricky one for us parents because we so badly want to clock out at bedtime. When our child clings to us and needs so much at bedtime it can be incredibly triggering. Remember to take care of yourself!

There are lots of reasons why our children may be struggling at bedtime, and there are also lots of ways to help make it better. Check out HSB’s Better Bedtimes Guide if you need more guidance. 

Photo courtesy of Avocado.

Read more: How to Navigate Sleep with Rest-Resistant Kids

Have feedback on our story? Email [email protected] to let us know what you think! 

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