The addition of a new sibling is a huge transition for all family members but especially siblings. It’s another person to share their parents’ attention with and a change to their familiar setup at home. There are many differing views as to the right age gap between siblings. Many suggest a small age gap believing siblings closer in age will have a better bond. Others champion a larger age gap where the older sibling’s need for mom is less, meaning they can adjust to the new dynamic without as much jealousy. And as for sleep, some parents prefer to get the sleepless nights over in one big chunk and others prefer a gap to reset themselves. Every family is different, and each baby has a specific set of needs so there can be no right answer but there are some brilliant strategies you can adopt to help ease some of the hotly debated topics with sibling sleep. For example, a commonly asked question is, can my toddler and baby share a room at night?
Reasons for Siblings to Share a Room
There are a whole host of reasons why parents may consider moving siblings into the same room from economic to emotional. Some families will have no option but for siblings to share and for some they will actively choose this route. It is thought that room sharing may help alleviate sibling rivalry, foster a close bond and create a sense of security. However, on the flip side of this, it could potentially mean some disturbed nights for both children as we all know baby and toddler sleep is unpredictable! As with any sleep setup, there are pros and cons that each family will need to weigh on an individual level.
Read more: Tread Lighter, Live Fuller: How to Raise Eco-Conscious Kids
When Can Siblings Begin To Share a Room?
Figuring out when to begin room sharing is important for lots of reasons. Sleeping siblings together is an idea that conjures up images of adorable children giggling and laughing but it isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. It’s a huge transition for both siblings and ensuring they are both feeling positive and emotionally supported with the change is vital. Ideally your baby will be sleeping with you until at least six months, although the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) now recommends a year. This can be a good time to begin the transition, although some families prefer to wait until their baby is sleeping through the night. You also may decide to wait until your baby is a bit older for safety reasons, wanting to make sure that they are old enough to come tell you if something is going on, or making sure that they have the language and understanding to prep for this change.
As far as safety goes, this is up to each family to decide based on the ages, needs, and personalities of each child. Young children should not share a bed until the youngest is 12 months at minimum (the AAP’s stance is to never allow an infant to bed share even with parents), though there’s limited research about when they can start. Generally speaking, an adult mattress is not tested for safety for infants under two years. So for an infant plus a toddler or older child, it’s safest NOT to bed share even with parents present. Room sharing, though, can be done any time, so long as your older child is able to be safe around the baby’s sleep space and can be closely monitored. More on safety for the baby at the end of this post.
First Thing’s First: Setting Up the Sleep Space
When you are setting up the sleep space…
- Ensure that your older child is familiar with their bed. Now is not the time to make any big changes such as transitioning them from a crib to bed. It’s a big step becoming an older sibling and room sharing comes much more naturally to some children than others. Beginning the change with a positive feeling toward their bed and familiarity around their sleep space, routine, etc. will help smooth the transition.
- Talking about the change and preparing your toddler emotionally for the transition is essential. If they hear you talking positively about the change and how much fun it will be to share with their sibling, it will help them to make positive associations in their brain. This can be done using a social story or by role playing. Creating a little book or “social story” for your older child to read about the change that is about to happen in their life can be a lovely way of easing into the transition.
- The sleeping space needs to be safety proofed. Ensure all wires and cords are removed or out of reach. Secure any furniture to the wall and make sure the space is both baby and toddler proofed. This includes anything around the crib that your toddler could use to climb into the crib from! Furthermore, the sleep space will ideally be set up so that you can see both children’s sleep spaces on the video monitor. This is especially important if the older child is in a bed and free to move about the room.
- Prevent distractions. It’s likely that your little ones will love being together, and some silliness might ensue. To try to help them settle down and prevent them from waking each other, think about how to set up the room. Utilize things like blackout curtains or a room divider if seeing each other is making it hard for them to calm down. You also want to be sure you have a white noise machine going in the room. Lastly, think about how to manage bedtime and night wakings. Maybe you have a staggered bedtime (more on that next) or you take baby out of the space during a night feeding to avoid waking your older child. Flexibility is key when siblings are room sharing!
Read more: How to Hit Reset on Your (and Your Kids’) Sleep Schedule
Bedtime Routines
Moving siblings into the same room can alter the dynamic of your bedtime routine. It can feel a little overwhelming at first and you may think you’ve made a huge mistake. Give them some time to get the “sillies” out before tossing the idea. They will likely be very excited and a little rambunctious at first, and that’s to be expected! Buffer in some extra time in your new routine so that they can have that time for excited playing before winding down.
As for the routine, keep it simple! Siblings are all so different, from temperament to sleep needs. You know your children best so try and weave their individual needs into a structure that works for your family.
You may have your children bathe together or separately, get PJs on, and read books all together. You may only bathe your older child every night while the younger one plays. It’s okay for the routine to be a little different for each child depending on their needs, so long as you make a clear distinction that it is time to get ready for bed.
Different Approaches
If you have a teammate, the divide and conquer method is useful in facilitating two different bedtime routines. If mom is breastfeeding it can be helpful to have the other parent do your older child’s bedtime. Both your children will have access to connected, quality time before bed and each of your children’s needs can be attended to. If your children’s wake windows or bedtimes don’t line up it can be useful to split bedtimes in this way so that one child has the opportunity to fall asleep before the other.
Another method is to have a joint family bedtime. This can help facilitate the sibling bond and ease toddler and baby sleeping together. If one or both parents are out at this work this is a sweet way to reconnect as a family at the end of the day with the joint sharing of stories and cuddles. However, this can often require figuring out a toddler and baby sleeping schedule for your children so that their bedtimes align. This can mean extending wake windows, shortening naps, etc but again it’s trial and error and you will find what works for you.
If you are solo parenting and are managing a double or triple bedtime alone my best tips are to babywear, bed share, or room share. This way you can bathe your toddler while you babywear, or you can feed as you read to your toddler or feed as you snuggle next to your toddler whilst they fall asleep. Listening to songs, an audiobook or meditation is a lovely way to wind down together- your older child can fall asleep while you hold or feed the baby, etc. Bed sharing or room sharing can happen in any space. It doesn’t have to happen in their designated sleep space.
Solo bedtimes are hard and you can always transfer them to their sleep space once they are asleep. Another way to approach solo bedtimes is to stagger your children’s bedtime. Settling your baby first whilst your toddler plays and then having some alone connected time with your toddler may help soothe their bedtime. Even if your baby doesn’t manage more than one sleep cycle this usually allows you enough time to settle your toddler. This may again mean some tweaking of naps and daytime routine to facilitate.
Keeping the Sleeping Space Safe for baby
When looking to move towards baby naps in the crib, you need to ensure the new sleep space is safe. For safe crib sleep, there needs to be no bumpers, blankets or pillows. It’s easier to opt for a wearable blanket or sleep sack for warmth. Make sure there are no open windows and wires, and blind cords and curtains are out of reach. Loveys can be introduced after 12 months but pacifiers are considered safe to be in the crib with baby. The other thing to consider is shelving and wall hangings and make sure these are not accessible from the crib. You of course need to consider the age and personality of your older child as well. Will they try and put things in the crib with the baby? Try to climb in with them? These are important things to consider to be sure your baby is safe. A video monitor is a great idea, as well.
Sibling Bonding
Overall, siblings sharing a room together can be both a great practical setup as well as a wonderful opportunity for them to bond. With a little flexibility and patience you’ll get the routine down in no time!
Read more: How to Navigate Sleep with Rest-Resistant Kids
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